halloween costumes for girls are easy, slutty teacher, slutty cop, slutty nurse, etc...
exactly, that's why i want something interesting
slutty neuroscientist?
i love how i spend my mornings exploring my phone to see what i did last night.
FYI : beer farts in the morning chase women right out of bed!
Stealing vibrators from Walmart together was when I realized you'd be my Maid of Honor.
You'd think if the campus holds 28,000 undergrad I wouldn't run into three people I've hooked up with in one day
It's a gift. Kind of like morning wood in my brain.
I am listening to lecture and I can hear us in the background talking about anal beads.
wanna tell me why theres a glass of water stuffed with tamptons in the freezer?
She just pored wine down the turkeys hole and said that she christened it like the whore that it is...happy thanksgiving.
It's snowing in May and there was a law school party at the strip club. The end is near.
I just passed a kid trying to leave on a lawn mower
Also, I've finally come to the point in the relationship when having sex with socks on is ok.
I tell you, MacGyver never had to put up with people shitting themselves while he worked...
Sorry for throwing up in your humidifier last night, I thought it was some sort of electrical garbage can
Just in case you forgot, you puked all over your boss house, pissed on his coffee table, and were then thrown out by his wife
Randomize
