Just walked by a group of guys calling out walks of shame with a mega phone from their front porch.
The new google images is a smorgasbord of porn now are plans for tonight are off.
Okay my swimming class is like the fatass/diabetic guide to losing 2 pounds by christmas
literally. a puddle of blood. on the floor. still searching for the source
she fucked me tho cuz it was her cat's birthday. As soon as we were done she just says "ahhh tequila tuesdays"
We stayed up until 4:20 AM. The next thing I remember was waking up at 4 PM, like my internal alarm clock knew.
He's an acquired taste, like S&M or those crunchy things they put in salads
Croutons?
Guys always stop talking to me right around the point that if they bought me food a couple times I would probably have sex with them.
You know we have no secrets, right? I mean, you saw me shitting in a gift bag drunk and naked on Christmas eve.
SKIIIIIIIIIIII, trip mo foes! Let-ith the epic- ness begin ith. Heroes go forth, nAy Sayers fuckin die. This is for the good of mankind! See you on the morrow
Apologies to the number who did not expect to get this but certainly be jealous of us.
Our house rule in beer pong, is that if you get the ball in the bitch cup.... you have to snapchat your balls to everyone on your friends list.
Happy birthday and sorry I punched your friend in the face
It's decided. Tomorrow I'm getting a Big Mac and a Dildo
How do I send someone an apology text for giving them a lap dance in the middle of a party last night?
i'd like to schedule a penis for 4pm please.
Randomize
