you kept begging me not to tell anyone you had been a bat in another life
This got awkward about two "Oh yeah"s ago.
After the concert, I paid a cab to drive me around the city so I could shout "dc highfive!" at everyone who passed for an hour and a half.
I made mike pull over so I could lay in the grass. He made me get up cuz I looked dead and people were passing. It was like 6:30am.
I should have slept with you when you were wearing the gorilla suit. I've had dreams about your chest hair. I hope jail wasn't too bad.
You will go out on a boat of flames filled with honor, sarcasm, and assholery, let me assure you.
You'd be proud! I didn't lose my id this time... It got confiscated
All I know is when I checked my phone this morning google translate was open with "help the cow ate my robot" translated to French
I'll take "things you shouldn't say to a guy you just met in a bar" for 100!
Before he gave me the breathelizer, he told me to "blow like you're blowing your boyfriend". I like him. My tax dollars are well spent
This is the third time this year I've whored myself for a Netflix login. If this guy changes his password, I'm gonna fucking give up.
Or maybe pay for Netflix?
I'm not that desperate yet.
Congrats you've received dick pics from an Olympic silver medalist
God I miss you. I would very much like to have sexual intercourse with you. I'm home eating chicken alfredo.
Noooo no no no no. She scares me. She means business. She wore a diaper when we went to the bar.
He's so drunk that he's ignoring me and just doing what my cat does.
Oh god he's trying to eat cat food... I don't know if I should stop him or continue laughing....
Randomize
