as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
I'm sitting by myself in my bra eating a waffle and drinking pineapple rum. gamedaaaayyyyyyy
Worst bachelorette party. She got smashed and cried because she thinks she might have herpes from when she cheated on him. Not looking good for them.
please tell me why my pillow is wearing your thong...
...i wondered where i left that...
"Home for the holidays" isn't clearance to fuck the recently 18 year old high schooler right?
Nope, his last birthday was.
never underestimate the power of walking into a bar alone in uv cat makeup.. took home a seven foot man
Apparently I told a girl last night, that's she's super beautiful and I don't want to fuck she just deserves being eaten out
Remember, ur body isn't a visitors center
That was the night I passed out and someone threw chicken at me. SORRY I wasn't available to cockblock you from that Hispanic dude.
he brings me coffee and gets a blow job. not sure if I trained him or he trained me or it's simply mutually beneficial beautiful.
I mentioned the porn thing he mentioned a brother it all kinda just came together
Last night was a whirlwind of vodka - induced emotion
I DONT HAVE A FUCKING JOB RIGHT NOW. DO YOU THINK I HAVE TIME TO WASTE GOING BACK AND FORTH WITH SOMEONE WHOS LYING, ABOUT LYING, AND JUST BEING A LIAR? HONESTLY, YES I DO HAVE TIME. BUT I HAVE A FUCKING LOT BETTER THINGS I COULD BE WASTING MY TIME DOING. LIKE ORGANIZING MY POKEMON CARD COLLECTION.
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
I'm just hitting the tip of the iceberg on accents for this trip...so basically my panties are done for.
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