I really think my calling is to star in a Live Links commercial
If you did the rosary as much as you masturbated, you would be the pope
please hurry. your mom just evil laughed to herself in the kitchen like she's plotting my death.
we're havin a 400 loko party for joe pa's 400th win. come get loko
I guess I just laid down next to him with the entire pot of mac n cheese and started giving him a handie with one hand and eating with the other
I wish they could condense everything I needed, nutritionally speaking, into mike and ikes
We met a guy named Raymond. You called him ramen all might and told him you would eat him up, "like sex, on a budget."
she just stared at nothing and then looked at me and goes, "that's a weird place to put the wall"
Dude. Once again. Cleaning house. Found weed I hid from myself a month ago. Celebrating/testing it out. if i dont text back in 10, call dominos.
We got signed out of jail by an Uber driver. I think that qualifies as a great first night of college
Today I learned that when you lick a mans butthole, you get wined and dined at a nice french restaurant.
Got so drunk last night I kinda sent a super on point sext to his kid sister...say a prayer man
We found you walking up the on ramp to the highway carrying a 40 mph speed limit sign with no shoes on. Rough night?
Success! We fucked roommates!
thought i saw a dude in a kilt yesterday, but then i realized he was doing a walk of shame. happy st. paddy's day.
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