Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
I may or may not be laying in bed naked watching The Nanny. Niles is so spunky.
Jizz is so healthy, they should sell it at Jamba Juice. Call it "Jamba's Juice". Genius.
If i come home from court on friday.. i'm definitely doing something illegal.
my purse only fit my wallet or the martini shaker. it wasnt even a question of which i was bringing.
I woke up to her staring at me in a corner moaning over and over again about how good the pie crust tasted
Your philanthropic work just got me laid, thanks dad for naming me #2.
And dont tell me its his job to cockblock me just because he's my boyfriend.
We are cuddling. She is so cute when she is too high to be a loud bitch.
Did i actually sleep there? Or did i just get sand everywhere?
They're putting plan B in vending machines now. My life just got so much easier.
There was probably a tattoo above her soulless vagina that read 'it's a trap!' Yet you ignored it
Wow it must be so difficult to be as popular as you are and smoke as much weed as you do
By the way, you totally deserve "i got a job sex".
Why do so many fanfic writers want to see hockey players get pregnant?
Randomize
