If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
I'm just sayin. Is it sad that I spent my last dollar on a hamburger just to get a paper bag to huff out of?
Funny favor to ask you... can you ask James to ask Chris if he came in me ? Trying to assess whether or not I need plan B.
I made him drop me off at the wrong house waited for him to leave and crawled through several fences so he couldnt stalk me. How was your night?
do you think theyll let us bring mariachis to the strip club?
im drinking italian dressing and watching dexter. its 230am. lets never drink on sundays again.
You mean the girl who was passed out face down on the bathroom floor until 10 AM? You're right, she was cute.
So i am officially handcuffed to the pole on the party bus while taking jello shots.....this shall be an interesting night
For the record, it's NEVER ok to discuss my stripper-related injuries with my fiance.
How much booze could a drunk brad chug when a drunk brad does chug booze?!?
All. The answer is always all
We had an in depth conversion about the best way to take a dick pic. Both with and without mirrors.
I kept having to give myself encouraging advice like, "you know how a path works"
Please come over. It's a pajama and burn-2016-in-effigy party
Once again, marijuana saves me from going to jail
I'm giving drunk me full control of my body for the next few days. Please don't let me die.
Randomize
