Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
So theres a slight possibility i may not graduate according to planned because i was out getting laid instead of studying. And im okay with that.
I am sitting on the floor by my oven watching my cookie dough blossom. This is a whole new level of fat
woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
He told me he loved me mid lick. Anyone that can look at me from that angle, lick my vagina, and say they love me must absolutely mean it
Dont be alarmed when you find the maintenance guy passed out on your couch. I didn't to explain why I was there so I offered him a drink, I dont know what happened after that.....
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
I can't believe he let me cut his hair as stoned as I was.. I think I even cut my own hair too
Seriously, you can't give someone's wife an orgasm on the dance floor of a gay nightclub and then hang out with her husband the following week
How do I carry myself in a way that says "I swallow"?
He's getting Easter eggs filled with weed or Jell-O shots for his birthday
Her blow jobs are legen wait for it seriously like 9 people I know brag about them dary
You've had it in your mouth, how have you not seen it?
how do do this?
do what? Keep standing? Choose between 2 guys?
keep making boys cry?
just took a pregnancy test before I went out drinking. if that's not drinking responsibly Idk what is.
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