Im watching he's just not that into you, eating way too much pizza, and feeling very single.
totally just realized while washing my face that Cetaphil looks like semen.
he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
It took us hanging out like four times to kiss. Id like to fuck you before I'm 30
this is really not the time to pretend we have morals
On a scale of one to everyone dying I say let's aim for a 7
I just saw a dude sitting IN a bush, weeping and playing a harmonica. I hope your day is going better than his.
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
I dont know if this is a good time to tell you but im actually a freshman.. not a senior
After my lunch today, I've got $10 till Sunday night. I am losing at life.
Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
I told my dad that he was in a band and he was all like " good job" and then he looked up the band and listened to their music and just went " oh have you disappointed me"
I dunno what to tell you sport. Short of having a shock collar on, you're gonna wanna hook up with people.
The brides mom put a 6 year old in charge of me to make sure I don’t get too drunk before the wedding
Can you pay somone's bail with a credit card or just cash? I feel like you would know this.
Randomize
