I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
she said she'd get any tattoo I wanted ... so she's getting a large crossword puzzle as a tramp stamp. I'm the Einstein of doggy style
She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
told weddin planner we wanted to work in ceremonial body shots before vows. she hasnt reponded yet...
Wasted on the beach. There's children everywhere. A six year old girl even stood over me with her hands on her waist looking down on me as I was passing out by the water
I know it's early but when you wake up can you please validate my life and tell me I'm not just a drunk idiot.
It's gonna be one of those someone is getting divorced parties
Excuse me while I download incredibly disturbing porn until I'm more ashamed of myself than of my country.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You dropped my mother on the dance floor. She has a concussion. You didn't apologize. Don't speak to me for a while.
He seems like a lot more than a waste of tequila
I called you last night? What did I say??
That you love me forever and that I'm the greatest in the world now mohammed ali is dead...
She used to be cute, back when we were young.
Oh well, so were platform jellies. Shit changes.
I'm in the Sheetz parking lot waiting for dad to finish a drug deal.
I just woke up on the floor with an empty handle in one hand and a piece of my ceiling in the other. #classy
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