I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
can you have the cops turn on the gps locator on my phone...i just woke up in a Hooters uniform and I have no idea where I am...
pretty sure that I broke my nose during sexting. Life is grand.
also, did you notice that when he quoted your email he used MLA format?
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Technically this isn't a church so we could have been drinking this whole time.
I pissed myself at the bar so I threw away my wet underwear and kept partying... you act you've never done that before
he ate me out like 4 times and told me that my vagina "was too much fun".
I just threw up again because I opened my eyes... God is laughing. I resorted to taking the Mexican Dramamine because I feel seasick from walking. Not helping.
Running errands with mom, cool. Coming to pleasures with mom for her valentines night, not ever in a million years cool.
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how the hell were we supposed to out run the cops in a bus?
Oh my god he's laying on a longboard singing the song from cool runnings.
Fuckin wine wasted last night. Found my pants in the toilet this morning.
If your talking about a poncho I WANT ONE
he's trapped himself under a bed and is screaming at a robot dog to give him a blowjob
But you''re still having sex with him. And a hobo convinced you to.
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