I just had sex in a moon bounce. It is all down hill from here.
we went to the store to buy cookie dough and conditionally went straight towards the booze
you were wandering around the street for like an hour singing "nothing but socks on"..an original you wrote after the 12th shot i believe
he was spitting whole peanuts projectile out of his mouth at the waitresses as they walked by and then yelled across the restaurant that he had "no problem kicking any of their asses"
It is a special kind of bonus when you find money you hid from yourself when you were drunk in the tampon box. What did we do last period?
What do you need? A swimsuit and a liver of steel? What else?
The acoustics in my bra are fantastic.
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
You were mean to me and you broke my heart and hurt my feelings. You dont get to talk to me about Peter Dinklage
OMG -- There are strippers in the bathroom crying because their power moves aren't good enough to win the competition
It's official. Post baseball sex is better than post hockey sex. I hope the Blue Jays win the world series.
I’m at that point in my trip where I’m kinda hot, kinda cold and I have to remember to breathe.
I just realized that this is the first time I've ever seen your mom without sucking your cock.
I'd give my right arm to start my period. My right arm. Thats more significant then my left.
Almost gave myself a concussion stealing a stuffed unicorn hanging on a street sign but hey I got home safe
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