what kind of vibe do I give off that a guy i've never hung out with thinks its okay to send me a picture of his ball cleavage?
Some 6 yr old girl just got on my plane in St. Louis. She was wearing an I Love Canada shirt. She eyed the seat next to me and I stared her straight in the eyes and shook my head. Fuck her. Fuck canada.
And for your info. Don't pee outside with glow sticks. People will still see you.
whoever threw up in my shampooo bottle is totally getting defriended on facebook.
i tried to stop you. you just kept saying your split ends needed punishment.
I'm 2 blowjobs away from girlfriend status....don't tell me I don't know how to have an adult relationship
yeah, I said "hi, I'm the creepy old guy at the college bar" and she said that she like mature men, wasn't expecting that line to work
I'm going to have to start sleeping with my keys taped to my stomach.
My nose hurts from that stripper beating me with her tits
Omg no. We ate a raw pumpkin last nighr. We dipped it in BBQ sauce.
im pretty sure the interns at this hospital have gotten hotter
I'm going to try and loofah my hangover away.
Update: It didn't work
Well, he asked what my sign was, then proceeded to critique me on my beer pong stance... I really need to raise my standards.
i'm not so sure everythign we did last night was legal...
I need you to get the emergency bail money out if the stuffed panda and go to the police station tot bail me out. I should be there in 20 minutes.
The heart wants what the heart wants, and once again it’s a guy with brown hair, wears a chain, and has a nicotine addiction.
Randomize
