the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
soooo.. i guess the cop said he'd drop the charges if i go to some AA meetings and i said fuck AA. not one of my better choices.
she went to pee and i could hear her singing "Drip Drip Drop LIttle April Showers" from Bambi through the door.
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My therapist told me it was ok for me to "take risks" now. Cue the hookers and blow.
Either way you look at it, I'm a slut. But either way I look at it, I'm having a fucking blast.
at this point every shot is just a haymaker to my liver
Looks like breakfast in bed is out the window. She can't get up because I "fucked her into paralysis." My stomach is not happy with my dick right now
No. I just want to cuddle and talk about our feeling. Of course this a booty call.
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Think of it this way, instead of a puppy, we're getting a baby.
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
he came in the room wearing gloves & rapping while eating a corndog
knight in shining armor
It was like coming out my mothers vagina again in slow motion
do you think me going to the gyno dressed as a cat is inappropriate?
Oh my god I haven't had mozzarella sticks since I banged that Applebee's waiter
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