Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
the last thing i remember is you screaming lets hunt humans.
he asked if he could put his cape on while he was still inside me.
I just got hit on by my highschool french teacher. I need to stop going to this bar.
I was preparing to do my walk of shame shirtless, but then I found my sweater, wallet and keys neatly piled under a tree in the park.
Steve just broke his bong and some kid in an american flag bathing suit and no shirt just fell down the stairs. Its dangerous here
he peed on his own floor last night after we left the bar. pretty much sums up how i feel about the evening
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
Would it be a good deed to leave a 32 pack of bud light next to a bum sleeping in the park?
He doesn't want a full on relationship, he provides me with all the weed I can handle and gives me multiple mind blowing orgasms. He's my soul mate.
I'm pretty sure I lit a prostitute's cigarette while sharing a pizza with a homeless guy last night
Yeah I blacked out in a wiener costume.... I think I'm ready to come home now.
It's like I'm tryna ride my horse through dennis quaid’s vineyard
That's a sexy sentence
His mom came while we were asleep naked and started asking me about my plans after high school... Is that even a thing.
Aw. You're having cute FaceTime with your fiance, I'm trying to convince myself not to booty call a 42 year old. #adulting
Randomize
