go do what you do best...puke behind churches
PS- did you die? If you did just text "dead" to me, so that I know.
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
i really regret not blowing your cousin before he went to jail
I'm still tasting pancake mix. I think this may actually be a serious medical problem...
I hate him and his pretentious your-sleeping-in-the-wet-spot look.
Nothing like moscato in your sinuses tobmake your night complete
It was almost as bad as the time I peed on the floor of the Pentagon's subway station.
Tell me again your tentative move date. There are 5 Russians in my apartment on ecstasy and they are having a rave in my living room. I can't. I need to move stat
She sneezed like 10 times, put her head down on the table and then laid down on their couch and fell asleep. In the middle of the dominoes game. I'll never understand why my dad continues to provide my mom wine.
Sup man, did you have a 3way this month if so it would be 3 for 3 for the house
He's so twisted that he's acting out Dragon Ball-Z by himself. The Tanquray and THC combo doesn't play around.
Like, I want sex but I also would be okay with Netflix
I just used Bacardi to dry out poison ivy.
You're the best thing in my life, followed closely by cannabis and trashy romance novels
Randomize
