My little brother has some high school girls in my pool, it's like a jailbait buffet in my backyard
You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
We walked because you started screaming when you finally realized he wasn't Ben Bailey and it wasn't the Cash Cab.
I just showed my boobs to our astate representative hahahahahahha
He just randomly started talking about Haiti and Conan O'Brien and his grandpa's hip replacement operation. It was the worst phone sex I've ever had.
He won't talk to me. He'll only communicate using scissors
He was so bad, he was dry humping me and his dick was nowhere close to my vagina.
It doesn't count as drinking alone if you're making rum cake with it.
Omg. I felt like a crazed animal last night. My lesbian instincts burned a hole in my panties.
Tomorrow is Have Sex and Climb A Mountain Day. We have amazing dates.
We went to the casino to try to earn enough money to go to new Orleans comfortably. I'm already drunk. This is a horribly immoral start to summer.
I got a second ticket last night for drunkly using my one call to order a pizza and get it delivered at the police station
we probably should not get naked in my neighbor's garage again. just sayin
I sang Sweet Caroline with a homeless man and made him 25 bucks. Redbull vodka gives you wings!
i need to get crying drunk at the bar more often. i end up going home with guys who have big penises. its like God is saying "there, there, this will cheer you up".
Randomize
