Christians are straight up FREAKS
If Jon and Kate can get divorced...how hard can it be for me?
he just watched a baby story on tlc while high and just called me screaming he never wants me to get pregnant
then he said we can't have sex anymore because ill hate him.
There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
the boy next to me on the plane handed me a shot glass, then a perkaset, and told me to have a good week off..hellllo spring break.
He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
i just wasnt prepared to have the baby of one of two french firemen. threesomes are too confusing.
When you start quoting save the last dance you need to stop drinking
I am dressed. And we didn't do anything. He's gorgeous and tall tho. Something nice to look at when I'm hungover
Finished watching the entire first season of mighty morphing power rangers. Now I have nothing. Not even a life.
The two girls sitting next to me are asking siri "Like, uh, how do you know my name?". Do I fuck with them or fuck them?
I masterbated to the rocky theme song. I'm pretty sure that just beat any sex experience I've ever had.
I spent the whole ride asking the cabbie if people ever have sex back there, and if he wanted me to make that number one higher.
i don't care if you are my best friend. does not give you the right to describe how well my sister gives blowjobs.
how about your cousin?
I'm about 40% drunk. You know, not drunk enough to light the bar on fire, but drunk enough to let the cougar hit on me.
Randomize
