Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
he kept kneeing me like he was playing footsies... only then i realized it was his dick.
i love rice pilaf. whoever invented that i would give them a hug.
I didn't realize how much I missed him until his balls were back in my mouth..
Remember that amazing deer? You peed next to that dear..
while i was sleeping he changed my screen saver to his dick with a heart frame around it. I just might be falling in love.
I did the walk of shame wearing his scrubs. Fucking med school students is the way to go.
we're a generation of lazy underachieving stoners and uncreative overachieving automatons. you're golden
I think i'm going to homewreck at this Disney on Ice show.
I may or may not vaguely recall punching you in the dick but it was a misunderstanding and I forgive you can we have make up sex?
Dead. I am actually dead. Also, worst nightmare confirmed: throwing up in a four hundred person lecture.
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
Some guy just walked past the bus stop in a lab coat and with a samurai sword and case...
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
we used a blowdryer last night to warm up our left over pizza..it worked perfectly at first..but then the chili powder got into his eyes..
Randomize
