i don't know what kind of porn he watches.. but that is NOT how you do it...
my sombrero is too big for the bathroom
Its that time of week again, Bad life decision wednesday
like stop trying to get a relationship out of this when i'm clearly in the drunken mistakes part of my life.
how many lesbians have to have their hearts broken before they realise I am not that kind of DJ
I rang in the new year by giving a lap dance to a Lutheran minister in a roomful of people including his wife. Jesus would be proud.
You told the entire smokers deck that you were blowing .08 now and anyone else willing later
We were still up at 6am, taking shots, because thats apparently how he liked to "get the day started".
I just got a girl to make out with me just by saying "get at me." Get at me
You just put lesbians and Hogwarts in the same sentence. Of course I'm in.
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
I think God is sending me all these 20 year olds to make up for wasting my 20's in that crappy ass marriage. Thanks Big Guy!
THERE IS A MAN IN THE BATHROOM IN COLONIAL GARB GET HERE
I'm determining which apartments I'm mostly to move into based on how suitable the kitchens are for sex .
I Projectile vomited a massive question mark on Brent's bedroom wall. Don't tell him it was me. I want him to play the whodunit game.
Randomize
