there's no toilet paper. I'm using wheat bread.
She was having a seizure right in front of you, and you asked, "So there's no more donuts?"
trying to imitate man vs food after 12 shots doesnt mean youll get laid
I legitimately just tried to piss above my head. I got to my chest at highest. There's piss everywhere.
I could see myself reflected in his wedding band as i was going down on him.
You beat him at the shot competition, and proceeded to rub it in while telling everyone to "ASK ME A MATH QUESTION!!!"
"Bring the kids" is the most terrifying 3 words I've ever heard in my life.
IT WAS SO BIG. I FORGOT GOD MADE THEM LIKE THIS.
WHY AM I CRAWLING IN OLDER MEN HOLY JESUS
I'm not taking advice from anyone I've seen passed out naked at noon on the hood of a strangers car. Meaning you.
Sex followed by chicken and waffles... Hands down my favorite morning plans. Count me in.
Seltzer and cocaine. Life is flawless right now.
Fun fact. I just wrapped myself in wrapping paper for a sext. Is this a new high or a new low stay tuned.
New goal find someone I love enough to use these Japanese pancake flavored condoms on
dude the dog literally grabbed the condom out of the trash can and threw it in the air i'm screaming
Randomize
