He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
My superpower would be to be able to make a chick instantly start her period just by thinking about it
Had a dream I was a monkey and smoked pot out of a bong made out of a tree
I just won 10 dollars from out chugging the bar tender and I found out that the baby aint mine in the last hour. I don't even care if l get laid tonight any more.
we found you in the closet, clutching coats that werent yours for stability
This tent reeks of fear and sangria
He said that he didn't know what level the sun was on, and then he puked.
Why did you send me 12 pictures in a row of your expressionless face at 2:30 am?
"Wine night with the girls" turned into me having to set an alarm in the bathtub this morning...
so I ate shit in the bar and took a barstool down with me and this guy helped me up and I just started making out with him. I need to stop meeting men like that
so "excuse the stench" wasn't the correct thing to say when your boyfriend's parents walk in on you shitting. Live and learn
Random question, what's John-that-we-had-a-threesome-with's phone number? Don't necessarily need the full number, maybe just area code? Think I drunkenly ran into him last night and now I have texts from a John.
Dude, you were so drunk you were hanging from the ceiling of my car pretending you were a sloth while we were on 81.
i did these weird ass ab exercises once that left me queefing for weeks
We are so disgustingly codependent and I wouldn't have it any other way
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