dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
thus making me awesome and them whores
There's a girl sitting in front of me making a PowerPoint on Jack Bauer.
..and then spiked the maple syrup at iHop
your boyfriend is drunk and yelling to the bar that he loves his cats
noo you weren't that drunk. you just knocked the grill over and couldn't get the key in the door, so you climbed through the window. success.
All I remember is him trying to go down on me, but I guess I was too busy making out with his brother
I tried to say goodbye but you were hugging a trash can and I wasn't sure if you had clothes on
i think we should start 2012 by becoming clean and sober for awhile and buckle down
ppsyche im wasted where are you
When I said to shut up, I meant it. I'm sorry you have a bald spot now, but it was necessary.
MASS TEXT! MASS TEXT! Your sad horny friend has finally gotten it in and can go back to being normal once again. You're welcome.
Whoever invented the gimlet should be given a medal and then shot
I have enough bourbon in me to put Justin's cat in the dishwasher.
We need to leave a grand offering for the god of free booze and salvia.
We kicked down a door together last night, pretty sure that qualifies us as best friends.
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