I think i ate a live goldfish last night. that i caught with my hand in a kiddie pool. my stomach really hurts.
would you object to me following you around all the time with a video camera and selling it to TV? Your life could make me millions.
You asked the waitress for a vasectomy and handed her a butter knife, like you were ordering something from the menu
i convinced her that her period would come back if we did it doggy style
look what he's done to me, i actually want to be a stripper now.
I know it sounds like a good idea, but doing Spanish homework at a bar just because the owners are Mexican and they give us margaritas really wasn't the best decision.
After I saw you grinding on that guy with your shirt completely unbuttoned, I figured it was time for pizza.
I woke up and blew hamburger out my nose. That kinda night.
Did I at antime last saturday slip away and sign up for a prayer circle?
Did you ever stop and think that god invented whiskey dick specifically for me
I find out next week of the Australian was lying about his vasectomy or not. Keep your fingers crossed!
I didn't get a chance to take any pics but the mental snapshot of her boyfriend calling her directly after we finished was a really special moment I wish I could properly share with you.
I decided I was tough enough to wax my bikini area myself. Long story short, I'll be drunk when you get home
There really needs to be a redbox for wine because I want some but too lazy to walk into a store
On a scale of one to Harambe, how attached were you to your goldfish?
Randomize
