Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
Some guy just watched me feed 30 dimes and 3 quarters for bread and cheese at the self checkout at walmart. I no longer comprehend shame...
This kid is drunk.
I hope by "this kid" you mean yourself and not some child you have kidnapped and gotten wasted.
We went to his house and he brought a jar of pickles to bed. I think im in love.
This might be the most awkward night of my life. And I had someone pee on me once.
You know, there is no convenient place for your beer when you are on shrooms taking a shower.
Can't tonight. I'm supposed to get drugs for some college kids. Just doin my part in helping to enlight america's future
You're not stopping till I see you on the ground trying to hold on to shit
If we accept the love we think we deserve do we also accept the sex we think we deserve?
Shame?!? Shame only comes from getting naked in front of strangers and it not being awesome
You don't realize how cold it really is...I poured my bong out the second floor window and icicles hit the ground.
It's a long story, but I accidentally peed on my dog. I'll tell you about it tomorrow, and we shall never tell my wife.
Hey.... can you explain to me why when I woke up this morning my cell phone background had been changed to me getting a piggy back ride from a drag queen?
Btw I'm playing passed out so you can get laid but obviously you need to take the offense just ask him if he wants to go to bed and leave a cigg on the counter
JUST BECAUSE I ANSWER THE DOOR NAKED CARRYING A BOTTLE OF RUM DOESN'T MEAN YOU CAN STARE NEIGHBORS.
Randomize
