Gettin pulled over, can you watch my dog and pay the bils for a while?
Well i just wrestled a cop... p.s. i won
Anderson Cooper interviews Obama. It's like CNN is teasing and broadcasting my dream 3 way.
So as she is about to take the walk of shame she flips out. Apparently someone left a brown present in her shoes.
#1 RULE OF DRINKING: DELETE YOUR EX'S NUMBER FROM YOUR PHONE
you puked on the porch, i can see your jacket on the floor next to your underwear. i know your home, unchain the door, you're the worst roommate ever.
Is it frowned upon to bring a flask to the er?
somehow I feel like "adventures with cocaine and molly" wouldn't be an appropriate "How I Spent My Spring Break" essay topic.
I forgot to pack a bra for work today...you would not believe the extremes i've had to go through in order to keep these nips from my coworkers
6 pack came off in the shower. Sharpie is not forever.
And it was in that moment when I realized that these high schoolers looked up to me and that I should set a good example. So I stole a casserole and left.
Okay let's look at your past accomplishments you've done hungover... Sat great score, academic decathlon, state for track. I think you are solid to go out tonight
All I know is I drank too much, danced too little.. yet somehow woke up on the floor in the arms of some cowboy.
I vomited out my contact lenses last night
rest in peace liver.
It was nice having you occupy space in my body that could be holding beer n chicken.
that's going in my livers obituary.
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