Its not alright that i make out with a manican.
Would you like to blur the lines between friendship and lesbianism tonight?
we found him in the shower with a bottle of jose saying "this is Mexico's fault"
what's not responsible about a pool full of beer?
So apparently I ended up throwing my clothes in the toilet after getting kicked out of TQ and ran around the neighborhood in my boxers. Works gonna suck hard once this hangover kicks in. Also: I lost a shoe so looks like flipflops for the rest of winter
Would it be weird to jack off in the hospital?
wtf... you literally introduced yourself as "that friend who's going to fuck all your other friends."
I hope you know that means regardless of their gender.
Only thig bad about that muscular chick from the gym is she liked it so rough I had to bust out a few wrestling moves from highschool
Give me an out of order sign and caution tape and we can have sex practically anywhere.
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
I'm worried about how taking care of my mom's dog while being on acid will go.
Why the fuck is there raw bacon in my bra. I don't even have a stove.
It's confirmed. I have two dates on Saturday, and they are both named Mike.
DON NOT, UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES WATCH CLOWN PORN.
The last thing I remember was them slipping shots into my beer bong, and me being happy about it
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