The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
I just encouraged Kelsey to make out with some guy for beer so I could take one, does this make me a pimp?
By definition I think it does.
So this is what it feels like to be all that is man.
Definitely just saw the guy I went on a date with Friday night dressed in medeival knight gear on the quad preparing for battle. Oh my God.
Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
I made $300 today by selling pizza @ $4 a slice to nerds who refuse to leave the library. God I love finals time
he rubbed his balls on my face to wake me up.. this friends with benefits thing is getting out of hand.
... thanks for letting me perform minor surgery on myself last night.
I figured if you were smart enough to sterilize with vodka, you could handle it.
Yeah. It's just like I have his virginity and he has my shoes and where do we go from here.
Yes. That was the exact moment of my conscience clicking into instant high alert.
We need a shit load of segways right now
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
Honestly I am too high to watch videos of you jerking off right now
Is there a tactful way to ask "how are your balls?" Or do I just ask point blank
my penis made a compromise with my morals
Omfg I just White Claw shamed a Girl Scout Cookie mom and I feel SO BAD.
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