Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
I just had teddy grams, ritz crackers, and twizzlers for dinner. Hello, end of the semester.
he was wearing 3D glasses the whole time.
hes a good boy he deserves a good blow
i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
so the party was at my house but some how i ended up being the only one who slept outside
Can you explain to me how i got kicked out of a bar last night, from outside the bar?
I just wanna go somewhere and not be judged for wearing spandex shorts that make my ass look like a slice of fucking heaven. Is that so much to ask??
Don't even start with me. You know damn well if you walked into a bathroom with two girls naked in the shower you would stay too. Regardless how drunk I was or whether or not you were my ride.
just move with us, we wanted to get a dog. youre kind of the same thing..
Some guy walking down the sidewalk just looked at me and said "hey it's the world champ". How drunk was I on Friday...?
Ugh. I just found a cum stain on my mermaid pants. Now I can't return them.
Okay so I've been talking to the mice again and they agree with me that you're a piece of shit.
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
Note to self: NEVER have sex with anyone who is experiencing explosive diarrhea.
I've never been so happy to be celibate.
Randomize
