Rock
Scissors
Fuck
im in a room full of women tattooing each others tits. i hope i remember this tomorrow
if my vagina gave out awards, he should be preparing acceptance speaches for the oscar, the heisman and the nobel peace prize.
every single kid we've ever known, every single person we've gotten blow jobs from, every single person we've hit home runs with... is at dennys right now
My cousin had a baby so we have to look at it. Apparently the event is byob
think of it as grooming, as if he is my Kate Middleton and I'm grooming him to be a presentable princess
When I'm famous, she'll look at her kids and go "I saw her buttcheeks beefore she was famous. I'm truly blessed."
She wants to go furniture shopping for memorial day so we've gotta go portable
thermos full of jaeger bombs?
Affirmative
I have a third degree burn on my inner thigh from the blunt dropping on me in the car
The paramedics were not my fault this time.
I woke up to Elf. I don't know which one of you put that in my DVD player when I passed out but I appreciate you.
He gave me my financial savings if I invested with him while I was giving him a bj.
You took all of your clothes off and tried to seduce me and while trying to seduce me you decided you were too drunk and passed out.
well...I was at work...until someone dropped dead during their performance of "I believe I can fly". It was karaoke night.
She woke up, mumbled "the trees" When i asked her what about them, she yelled "WE NEED THEM FOR OXYGEN," Then went back to sleep.
We need to get on her level.
Randomize
