when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
Dual, econ, hell, shiv, aunt, puppy. 1 out of 6. T9 word needs to learn how to cuss like me.
Just found a copy of intimate toy times in my mom's trash can...
Just wanted to let you know that I always win at "whose ex is crazier" because of you.
You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
Nothing ruins a good sext like too many emoticons
My dog just threw up a condom. Sorry for accusing you of not wearing one, I found it now.
Aaaand the winner of the worst decision of Sunday night goes to me as I pull up to his house in my lingerie.
Your friend gave me you're number. I was the guy locked behind the book shelf.
I think you have the wrong number, but I hope you escaped your library-prison?
Showing girls my stab wound was not the brilliant idea I thought it was.
WHERE THE FUCK'S MY FUCKING RITALIN YOU FUCKING FASCIST?????
Im pretty sure I didnt bang him becasue I woke up at 6am to him jerking off with a fleshlight right next to me in bed ... He made himself cum and was moaning my name ... MOST AKWARD EXPIERENCE OF MY LIFE
Why am I a human magnet for the worst dicks of the world?
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
i just cleaned my bong... I do not feel healthy
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