Sometimes I wish there were a little bird hiding that would periodically go, "creep-per."
the line runs infront of fredricks of hollywood. it's like gamestop is showing me how pathetic I am.
I've never had a better reason to do blow of a Pittsburgh strippers ass than to try and keep pace with my dad.
Either this is the best sandwich I've ever had, or my stomach is just relieved to have something in it that's not Red Bull or semen.
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
I wish I could rewind to my 8th birthday instead. I wanna wake up, eat as much cake as I want, and have a Transformers birthday party without someone judging me.
Where are you? This girl fell on a baby. She is just gone. Please Hurry
I'm hurrying
Dude. She just shit herself.
Bro, I just googled 36 year old pussy so when I do see it I won't be shocked.
you're right. a strip only looks good in porn . mine just looks like a fucked up mullet
If you think you're having a bad day, know that upon waking up, I was informed that I blew my nose in a piece of bread last night
If it's any consolation, I made really strong brownies yesterday and had 3 and then I saw demons
How many times have we said we'd stop taking Jell-O shots with strangers?
Dude. I’m playing chess through iMessage with a stripper. What has my life become.
Became friends with a girl at work today until I realized we have the same taste in men. And I thought only I liked red-bearded fat men
He made me cum 3 times, then immediately after sex packed a bowl and passed it to me. Yeah.. I'll keep him.
Randomize
