margs and chips and queso make the world go round
well and inertia
stumble upon led me to how to make wine in prison, followed by wedding dresses. it knows my life too well
his mom called while we were having sex and asked if we could finish in his brothers room because her ceiling fan was about to fall on her bed
DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
Put you drinking hat aside for Tuesday. My buddy is bartending!
I just puked in my drinking hat.
One of my students in my 8am class brought me a Tim Hortons cup with a bloody Mary in it. Clearly, I didn't manage to look not drunk when I ran into him at Denny's at 4am. Who decided to let me teach?
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
I told him to pick up the beer can he threw in front of the police station. So he gets out chugs whatever's left and throws it back and says ok let's go.
I know you're gay. But if I'm not getting dick, then you have to. That's what friends do.
Safe to say I'm terrified but totally AMPED
I could definitely fill a shot glass w my cum
please don't
I wonder if there is a über wall of shame that you are currently on. Like between drivers.
1. I'm excited for tonight 2. Do we dress up as pirates? 3. Happy Valentine's Day bae
I'm chasing my vodka with snickers.
I'm still alive btw, in case you were worried about my well being.
Randomize
