Wow.. I was doing a mental check of my bank balance & I literally just said to myself: 'I have 27 dollars and a bottle of tequila til tuesday-ill be fine'
dude u gotta turn down the techno when u bang that chick its creepy
I thought at least he would want to exchange numbers after he tried to put it in my bum
just got dressed up for chatroulette- THAT desperate.
I think your going to be the cause of an awesome death
Had a speaker in class today. She asked whats the first question when you see someone pregnant. I said whos the father? She was looking for "is it a boy or a girl?"
I never want to hear the words 'my therapist says . . . ' while naked again.
Happy heartbreak day....you got chocolates, I'm eating them/ throwing them out the window at passing couples
Wait, whatever happened to locking our vaginas in closets?
i was giving head the other day and thought of your all penis tastes the same quote and couldnt stop laughing
I gave him a handjob in the uber car. Life is really spiraling downwards.
I love you man but my hope is that you will not wake me up again by pissing on me
One time she showed me her pierced nipples in our high school locker room and now she has a daughter
you asked how they got the microwave in the air. we had to explain three times that it was mounted there until you finally feel asleep
If I look at him, he starts sobbing. Please come get him; he's scaring the cats.
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