it feels like theres a golf ball between my legs. the sex was totally worth it tho.
We discussed our relationship status. We're dating exclusively. And the conversation was followed by him saying "C'mon baby, let's make you orgasm!" .....I'm gonna marry him.
please remember that your boobs are bigger than your sisters. when you borrow her shirts they stretch and then shes left flapping in the breeze. dont borrow her clothes anymore. love dad.
I smoked weed with pregnant girl. I'm going to hell.
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He didnt have condoms & didnt trust himself to pull out. Thats when I knew he was a keeper. So I blew him so he knew I was a keeper too.
True romance of the 21st century.
I love him. He's like the father I never had that I kind of want to fuck.
Just bought an airhorn. Bad things will happen.
So it looks like you may be an uncle real soon. Don't ask how I feel about it and don't text me back.
You went to jail last night?!
Just a little bit.
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I just showered sitting down with a sippy cup of water in there with me. It took 40 minutes. That hungover.
Im going in through the window and borrowing her dog. Dont worry ive done this before. we have an agreement.
Dude, if I don't end up wearing a banana suit in Milwaukee, I will consider that trip a complete failure.
She said she's different now I guess anytime you get a bible tatt it automatically cancels out all the whoring you did for 10 years
I want to tell you your future: you're going to be having sex
Quick, I need a picture of your dick. Don't ask questions, just show me your genitals.
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