You should have seen k-money last night. She was just hanging on to the toilet for half the night. By her fourth trip to puke, she started talking to it and was doing the voices for her and it. She kept saying "...we thank you for your continued business..." haha
The iPhone is ruining my ability to sex message. My 5-year-old cousin just picked up my phone at my grandmas birthday party and read "I wanna stand you up and fuck you from behind" to my entire extended family bc of popped up on my screen
she took her clothes off and my dick went from =====> to =>
My gynecologist just commented on how well my vagina was waxed
He was probably pissed, but i couldn't tell for sure. How pissed can someone really look while holding a fishbowl mimosa?
They high fived over us while we gave them synchronized blowjobs. In the same bed. Under the same blanket.
Notice: I will be intoxicated and in your area this evening. To unsubscribe from my sexual solicitation list, reply 'fuck off'.
If you've never been pounded by an Eastern European body builder, I would highly recommend it.
If I can ever get control of my legs I will be home. Thanks... and again sorry about your bed.
I think the cashier could tell I was sad. All I bought was penis shaped food and chocolate
I mean if you can't appreciate a good looking dick then just get out.
I AM NOT LOSING TO SOME FICTIONAL CROSSDRESSER
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
remember when we said that thing when we met about how we were each glad we weren’t furries
ok listen,
Last night i walked into a gas station to get condoms. I threw them on the counter and the guy gave me a funny look because i was wearing a bra under an open cardigan and no shoes. I screamed "DONT JUDGE ME!" and he gave them to me for free.
Randomize
