I CAN MOONWALK!
At what point did we cease to have vaginas?
Sometime in the sweat pants phase freshman year.
I just saw a man with a full beard and frosted tips
there is no god
Well, she's an atheist who is addicted to the Sims.
Who isn't?
Ever got a vibrator stuck in ur hair? Is worse that getting ur hairbrush stuck.
...well that sucks.
i called my brother from the living room and paid him a dollar to turn off the light in my room. ive hit rock bottom
i jus got home and totaly forgot i had nut all over the back of my shirt
..im mad u rememberd about that
Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
I'm not sure which is worse. The fact that I slept with him last night, or the fact that you did too.
I knew he was a nice guy, because when we switched positions he flipped the mattress so I wouldn't have to lay in a pool of his sweat.
soo how bad was i last night?
licking sour cream off of the table at pancheros bad.
Sounds like it could have been the night you pulled out your love stump at the strip club.
Bitch guess who just got a fucking taser
You know just a typical night. Eating peanut butter off of tablespoons and having sex to our favorite Christmas carols. This is my favorite time of year.
What are you doing tomorrow?
Dude its my bday. Im drinking from sunup til face down. Rinse and repeat.
Randomize
