hey, what are you doing tonight?
sleeping, g'night!
but i wanted to see you :(
sleeping! g'night!(801): i miss you!
stop - you have a right hand - use it!
i woke up under my mattress pad with him laying naked next to me and his wwjd bracelet on my nightstand.
nice, that's exactly what jesus would do.
Is it standard protocol to defriend someone after they give you chlamydia?
I think you missed the wrong class. Im pretty sure we were taught how to buy cocaine.
My afternoon will now be spent googling genital warts. I think my life is over.
he was like the dessert in the all you can eat man buffet that has become my life.
We left the bar in 2 bicycle cabs. It cost thirty bucks and they took us to the wrong hotel. When we finally made it to the right one we ended up in a room with three randos from alaska. Jammed out with them for like an hour. Those inuits are good guitar players
Me either. I want to get 'chase a stray cat through the neighborhood in my hooker heels' drunk. And it's your birthday, so you have to get 'best friend holding your hair while you puke in the bar bathroom and cry about your life' drunk. In a feather boa.
It's kind of like, standing in a garage and pretending you're a car. Except you're naked.
Bring a bathing suit and your good liver.
My good liver is still at the dry cleaners. Will my backup liver suffice?
Maybe
Talking to him sober hurts my brain
I think I just did my first walk of shame. He sent me home with a watermelon from his farm. Southern one night stands.
I lost my voice. So I'm going to pretend I'm Ariel with legs today.
Guy in my class today said, "I'm pretty sure you think about beer 95% of the time."
She’s a Vegas 8, which makes her an Oklahoma 27
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