I may or may not have screamed I'M ON A BOAT while having sex...on a boat. I think I was born to have sex with him.
Note: footlong is not the password to the subway wi fi network.. p.s- im super high
the black eye was caused by a 12 year old girl in a vampire costume who punched you in the face after you aggresively screamed "TEAM JACOB!" in her face & howled at the moon...
He told me all about his plan for proposing to his girlfriend as pillow talk.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So i was told that i peed in the sink, had sex with a pillow and banged on a washer while singing idian chants
There are regrets in my world today- mostly jager at that fucking altitude
I tried to tell her I've only slept with 3 other people...she then named off 5 of her sorority sisters I fucked and asked me if she should continue
where are you guys? the police just woke me up on the couch outside.
At tuba camp, the pickings are slim. It's like being the tallest midget.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So after taking my shirt off, he pulls my bra off like a hockey jersey. FUCKIN PRO. Guy knew what he wanted.
Reasonably certain my seventh grade teacher is encouraging me to drop acid on twitter
We were so sore from having sex that we decided to fix it with more sex. It's the hair of the dog for sex hangover.
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?
Today is a good day to get high. It's easy to blame the glazed-over look in my eye on my new contacts
My EX’s roommate heard about the breakup and offered to help me bang it out. I think she hates her even more than I do.
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