we're blogging at a bar
I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
U owe me five dollars for that paper towel you bet i wouldnt eat last night
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
Its a little weird going to a wedding where I've screwed the bride and my wife has screwed the groom. Great wedding though.
New wedding record, my shirt was off by 8pm!!!
So he says to my dad "I'll pull out of your daughter but I'm not going to apologize". Yea, my night was fun.
As a gentleman, I asked her if she was sure and she just whispered "wreck me" in my ear. I took that as a green light.
HE JUST ALLUDED TO FUCKING MY FRESH LOAF OF BREAD
I mean obviously I like your dick... Jury is still out on you but your dick is good
I'm out of milk so I'm dunking my Oreos in Bailey's; this is my life now.
I love standing in line at rite aid for 10 minutes being forced to talk to my ex's mom about life while I'm holding nothing but yeast infection cream
Went to go look for a friend that was missing since 3am, found her passed out in the hallway of the apartment, guessing it was a good night
There’s a special place in hell for tall guys with small dicks
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
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