what kind of vibe do I give off that a guy i've never hung out with thinks its okay to send me a picture of his ball cleavage?
It is obvious to me now why clam chowder & beer aren't a good combo.
I told her at least we still had each other. That's when she started crying.
they ran out of ice so they are using frozen shrimp in their drinks
God, you're like boner-b-gone
I knew his night was already over when he started marking lines on the bottle and setting goals
My hanfda are one with the u niverse and I am cirretnly inhaling a couch
When your boyfriends ex-girlfriend texts you to see what you're wearing to his sister's wedding that you were not invited to, nor knew about. I think it's time to call it quits.
i have an important question...can you drink in jail?
found a better reason to procrastinate than the usual sunday-don't-give-no-fucks. literally every one of my textbooks is soaked in captain. can't turn a page without gagging.
That and I was watching this life alert commercial and I'm pretty sure my liver turned up the volume for more information
By cross-referencing our messages & her Twitter feed, I've deduced that she was eating spaghetti the whole time we were sexting.
I'm convinced he's the patron saint of oral sex
I'm getting high with a 50 year old car wash guy. Enough said.
I'm actually glad the whole thing's over now. It's exhausting to fake a pregnancy.
Imagine not having to fake it.
Yeah, I should never have kids, probably.
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