She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section.
took shots out of a medicine cup. i can get used to college.
im just going to superglue mistletoe to my forehead and see what happens
She was narrarating everything she did.. like while making toast.
The Rock is playing the tooth fairy. I can't believe I used to smell what that man was cooking
Apparantly 7 1/2 Vicodin is a 1/2 too many.
you're being fucking weird and i don't like it. text me when you're not being the after picture on a poster for rehab
Yeah bro I don't know how she's gonna explain the black eye, how else do you tell your boss "my knee hit me in the face during sex last night"
I just got head while watching air force one. Harrison ford would be proud.
I just realized I donated our bong to goodwill.. RIP Kimbo Slice
You suck, She hit so hard.
The resort was totally empty, just June and I. Which of course lead to EXCESSIVE day drinking and outdoor fucking. FYI Dominicans LOVE to watch.
I get a little bitchy. We all know that
When I watch porn and jerk off like 95% of the time Iron Chef is on in the background...
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
WHY DID YOU NOT OFFER TO LET HIM STAY
Dude, it's like you want him inside me more than i do
Randomize
