Besides Rainforest Cafe, there's nowhere i'd rather be intoxicated than here
I just won Halloween Walk of Shame Bingo!
Why am I in a dog kennel?
It was for your own safety
just got off the metro to throw up and got back on like it ain't no thang
really making moves this morning i see
I just found pie in my hoodie pocket... This break needs to end.
I'm gonna sleep with her just to prove to my roomate that shes a slut and he's wasting his time
Yea my vagina was pretty pissed at me for not taking advantage of the situation...
you called me at 4 in the morning and invited me over for pasta and a late night viewing of titanic.
new costume idea. paint swatches and a ball gag... I'll be 50 shades of grey.
I hit a child with a fudge sickle from a moving vehicle after he flipped me off, I feel like a God. Tell no one. My partner didn't see it.
Drive by water balloon fight on $500,000 boats ended when someone threw a dildo
My dog got laid yesterday. Some lady came over with her husky to breed. He did it like a champ. I was so proud
If you don't fuck me hard, rough, and senseless the minute we're alone in your room, I'm returning you to the boyfriend store
How my distance relationship is going: he's trying to sext me & I'm stuffing pizza in my face.
I threw my back out having sex last night. I don’t know whether to high five myself for a job well done or cry because I’m old.
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