Hahahaha do you think bella ever gave edward head?
you think thats bad? Today I had to pop a zit on my sack.
some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
The guy I was getting with last night took off his purity ring mid-sex and threw it across the room.
Are you dead or are you taking another 13 hour nap? you need to let me know these things ahead of time so i dont worry.
The guy I met last night said we had a real connection and gave me his AA coin because he met me during his relapse
I am far too hungover to deal with the fact I can hear you masturbating in the bathroom.
The ideal thing to do next party is to tape my boobs down so they don't knock over the pong cups while playing defense. They came back to hurt us this time
i just stole a 8 pack of olde english 40s and 2 roles of duct tape. we are going to make edward proud tonight.
I bet his dick wears a tuxedo.
THE VODKA TRAIN IS NOW PULLING INTO THE STATION
Tried to shave my legs but the rug burn on my knees from last night got in the way.
He left a fire sauce packet from taco bell that said "promise you'll text me in the morning" on my nightstand.
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
Wow I really just sharted up in this Kroger
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