dude she wont stop talking about little people big world...she said my penis looked like zach roloff and took a picture with her phone?
i'm in the guys across the halls apartment. i think 7 MIP guy wants me. he just got a medical marijuana card. might be worth it.
I hate how you keep a running list of people who have seen me naked.
Imagine that my comprehension level is that of a 7 year old and explain your plan again
My Pizza Lunchables won't fit in the fridge because of all your alcohol. One of our addictions has to give.
His little brother just walked in, asked me if I'd blown his brother yet and then announced that he and his friends were going to play outside so we could play too.
Come over we're drinking with orange soda as a chaser to honor 90s nick kenan and kel.
I got eye-fucked by an 80 year old man wearing a cowboy hat while I was singing country. How do you think karaoke went?
Some random at the bar just whispered in my ear that he wants to eat me out while on bath salts....
I didn't want to walk to anymore parties because I found a cat. It was magical.
I'll text you later. I think she thinks we're taking this whole "no sex" thing seriously.
I felt like... 50% confused and 50% like a slow roasted flip flop.
When did i become the Rickety Cricket of my own life?
Because you hugged a homeless guy, and I paid him 5 bucks to give us our giraffe balloon animal back. That's why.
We drunkenly made out once four years ago and then he immediately vomited and honestly I've never gotten over him
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