I love black thongs
We're going on a mission for new porn. And ice cream.
words cant express how excited I am to make January 1st our own personal version of The Hangover
no where in the syllabus does it say "no alcoholic beverages allowed".
Instead of centeral air we are getting a margaritaville machine. Thought you would enjoy our logic
It's just like riding a horse. A very tall, gay horse.
You need a Jiminy Cricket, but for sexual decisions.
I swear my vagina formed calluses just to deal with how big he is
He made me write my name on his wall in crayon so he'd be able to remember it in the morning
There's a homeless man outside the bar. I have a toothbrush and toothpaste in my car. I think i'm going to give them to him. And they said drinking is bad.
You're so thoughtful.
I'm obsessing over hocus pocus right now. What if I change my Grindr profile to "come little children, I'll take thee away to a land of enchantment"
I burned myself with a joint twice in one sitting I have to say that's a new record for the least number of times I have hurt myself while smoking.
Like did I tell you about the ex Amish guy? Because that was a mess
Be quiet or buzz aldrin will come beat you up with science
wow. that really looks like a penis. not a top hat
Randomize
