Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
I'm starving. my midnight snack, aka a teaspoon of cum, isn't holding me over
I just found a beer pong ball in my mail box. I think its a sign
The little things make me happy. Little dicks do not.
that was you who tried to jump in front of my car in the monkey suit wasnt it
I gave myself a pep talk in the library bathroom mirror. and then threw up in the sink.
She said she was jealous that i could wear headbands, then growled at the ground in shame..
I shaved an Xmas tree into my junk.... I placed your present underneath.
I just traded a couple nudes for pizza delivery. Call me lazy, easy, or an entrepreneur, but either way I'll have dominoes in 15 minutes.
I was thrusting to the beat of Felix Navidad..
Never let me go online shopping while drunk. I now own 2 baby cribs. I have no children
He gave me a box of cheez-its after sex, does that make me a hooker?
I mean we all knew i was gonna get arrested eventually but shoplifting is lame so dont tell anyone. Well just let them assume public nudity or something
so i was about to call you for your birthday but then i started making out with this guy... and i feel bad but i felt like you'd understand
Flirting with/getting ready to possibly sleep with a married HS classmate and getting added to a bible study group chat within minutes of each other. #Balance
Randomize
