im getting my college education on yahoo answers.
woke up to an unread text message i sent to myself: "brreakfdast..pork and ice cream."
i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I find it ironic that im starting my birth control on mothers day.
If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
I made a tournament bracket for the girls that Im talking with.
We decided to play beer pong where the loser had to beer bong a pitcher of beer...people just started losing on purpose. It was a bad idea.
Some guy seriously just got Jimmy Johns delivered to him at the graduation ceremony. This cannot be real life.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I am just going to stick my boobs out and hope for the best
A drunk hobo just gave me a fist bump. Because I know what a womb is.
I might volunteer to give breath samples on the 17th where I would be required to get drunk and then give samples! THE POLICE WOULD PAY ME AND PROVIDE THE ALCOHOL!
It's astonishing how many Ludacris lyrics you know
ive decided that just saying "yes" when people assume I am something other than Caucasian will highly benefit my love life. last night I was native.
Don't trim your pubes if you've been drinking. I can't believe I have to tell you more than once.
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