I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
your brother just told me that Guinness is the first book of the Bible...
I don't even know why I got my vag waxed
Ugh, tell me about it. As each day passes and the hair grows more, I get a little more depressed.
So currently I have a block of cheese duct taped to my air conditioner in lieu of a fridge.
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After he came he asked what I was doing for thanksgiving.
you're a mystery wrapped in an enigma. wrapped inside a burrito.
besides i was ending his dry spell. it's written in the bible that jesus likes that right?
Just start grabbing cocks. It can't go wrong! Just say you thought you knew him and wanted to check.
In complete seriousness I think I am the highest person on earth
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you passed out while setting up your phones timer to time how long it would take before you to passed out.
My body is like , remember when you wouldn't let me puke last night? Good luck at work fucker.
The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
We accept all of your sexual lovers, Jewish, episcopalian, atheist. Dick is dick
That married penis I’ve been riding offered to pay off my student loans. I was going to break it off because he has lousy stamina. Is being debt free worth putting up with mediocre sex?
look im sitting on my bathroom floor in my underwear snorting cocaine can we talk about this later
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