I mean she's dancing like an epileptic patato and i'd like to slap her
I wish life had little blips of pornography
I just saw a kid drop his lollipop on the floor of best buy, kick it because he was pissed off and then pick it up and eat it. I think I have a long lost son.
Is it weird if I ask my drug dealer to prom? Be honest.
I definitely recall eating shredded cheese out of the bag while you were wearing that apron.
We role played last night. I was Brandon Inge and she was some slut from Toledo. Let's just say Triple A might not be so disappointing after all.
I just told a kid I was in a wheelchair because Santa shot me due to me being on the naughty list. You should have seen this little bastards face
The last party at your house was a sex toy party...it's an obvious transition to baby shower
Woke up this morning buried in a mountain of chex mix and bubble wrap. We must have been doing something great last night
Number of twigs I found in my hair: 5
I don't care what you say about him, his cock is the stuff dreams are made of.
We were making out and truffle butter was playing in the background. I stopped mid make out session and said, "I'm really sorry but I have to rap Nicki's part."
It's 7am. I'm making pizza & watching the Matrix. I will not be bothered.
To answer your next question, yes, I'm drunk.
Hey, thanks for helping me this morning
Always a pleasure to feed you bread as your body lay crumpled on the floor.
Help I accidentally unlocked this guy's tragic backstory and I need a rewind button!
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