I have way too many pictures of poop on my phone
so i was sitting on this guys lap, and we were flirting and everything right..well his phone kept ringing, turns out it was his pregnant wife...she had gone into labor..
DO IT!!! IT MUST BE FATE THAT I GAVE YOU THAT CONDOM!!!!
she was definitely a virgin. no ones that bad unless theyre a virgin
your sister was..
Let's just say for some reason we thought it was okay to make a burrito smoothie.
he said i took off my shirt and wrote "help HATI" on my tits, and charged people to motorboat me..... i'd like to say i woke up with 267$ in my purse
It will be a surprise...all i can say is stripper clown
you wore rainboots all night because you said the forecast called for wine spillage
Woke up this morning with my period. Saw a commercial for the beginning of Shark Week. I see what you did there, Mother Nature. My pad's off to you.
You made a glowstick headband with a helium balloon tied around it and climbed a tree in high heels. I was impressed.
He snapchatted me his dick and he's circumcised....BRB going to hug his Mom
I can't believe I ever hated her sister or friends. They got her some sexy sexy ass lingerie for the honeymoon. I think I love them bitches
This tequila is so bad I might cry. I won't Throw up but I might cry
You told your family you're bi over the phone?!
We were talking about exes and it just came out....and so did I.
That bitch claimed that you said it was ok if she drank your vodka. Obviously she has never met you
Randomize
