Because ur a stupid bitch
Actually, I'm graduating from college on Saturday so that makes me a well educated bitch.
And then you gave the bride a high five and said "Go forth and Consummate."
I just found a pubic hair on my dick that wasn't mine.
She deep throated me and when I woke up she made me pizza. I was full of emotions I started to cry.
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They have chocolate covered tequila candy at work. This is not a drill. May be drunk by noon.
So yeah she lost her virginity in a wheel chair with a broken pelvis. I'm still trying to figure out how I should feel about that.
I never appreciated sexting until I went to rehab
I don't give a shit if she's homeless, if you're gunna live outside el pollo loco and act like a bitch I'm squirting you with my water bottle
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
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Can we make sure camping doesn't turn into forest-orgy?
Lol, last year was UNREAL
Three Asian guys got on the elevator with a handle of Hennessey and a sleeping bag. This is not the start of a joke.
If you don't see me at the bar tomorrow night, I was most likely captured by the communists.
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
You took one look at him and said "let's hope I don't remember this tomorrow" then you took another shot and chased it with a beer.. I guess it was a success.
Of course he did! You’ve seen my tits, you know he didn’t stand a chance!
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