I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
I forgot how ruthlessly advertising works on me when I'm high.
mmm whisky
reminds me of losing my job
would you kill someone to have someone deliver pancakes to you when you were high?
the jail released me with 39 mardi gras beads. I need details.
Repeat the weekend mantra. "I like boys with teeth, I need boys with teeth, I deserve boys with teeth, I will have boys with teeth".
I went down on her for 35 minutes and didn't even get a handy. I've never felt more desire to be gay in my life.
HEY. That drawer full of booze in my dorm room also has aspirin and Tums in it. So don't tell me I don't care about health.
Breakfast of champions
Is that a dick crepe?
It is indeed
as your best friend, I hope we never outgrow 'I Just Got Laid' texts
AMERICA LOVES YOU. RIDE THAT DICK LIKE PAUL REVERE RODE HIS HORSE SO MANY YEARS AGO
Can't tell if it's the drugs or science magic, but I *THINK* that mouse just turned into a squirrel.
I fucked her on her ex's Yankee sheets while she was wearing an Ortiz jersey...of course she gets to meet my mother
You should've seen the look on the guys face when I demanded pho and a beer the second they opened. Obviously he doesn't understand hangovers
He bought me pizza and bourbon and played scrabble with me. So naturally I slept with him.
Randomize
