I ran out of diet so I'm mixing captain with a juice box. Being a mom has finally paid off.
I'm on the strip, it's like a mini new years eve. Some girl just got taken away on a stretcher with her meter margarita in her hand claiming it's trophy for being awesome. Damn tourists are lightweights.
All semester I have been trying to figure out if this kid in front of me is gay. His cell phone just went off with Britney's "Circus". Case closed.
he opened up his "box of magic": a crusty tube of KY jelly, three expired condoms, a fingertip vibrater, and a jar of marshmallow fluff.
Night out in new white coat = success. Offered free breast exams all night, two took me up on it, woke up with one. I love medical school!!!
I am soup sandwich. I have been at dAnce party
Well I'm just gonna sit here naked in this chair and whatever happens happens
My hair is crimped, I am walking with a roadie, and my vibrator is in my purse. I feel sorry for tomorrow.
There was a tour on campus today, and there were two girls i went to high school with in the group. They saw me and ran up to me as i was unlocking my door. when i opened it, kate was laying in a pile of glitter and beer cans. We need to reevaluate.
Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.
my life could not get any worse. just saw my sister in a porno
You partied and then got cock slapped, Don't tell me you didn't have fun
Do you think the police would frown on me opening a psych drug pharmacy on the side? Just to dispose of my drugs without polluting the water supply! It is for the animals!
I have the liquor shits and this time, it's personal.
I mean, I bought pot and shampoo before I ran out. I think I can adult.
Randomize
