I was totally willing to let her keep giving me blowjobs as long as she didn't think we were in a relationship.
Laughlin, where retired strippers come to die.
This girl I work with, who is 18 btw, invited me to her baby shower. Do they sell abortions in gift certificate form?
Please sleep at your girlfriend's tonight
Why?
'Cause I wanna jack off tonight.. And you being in the room makes things awkward
Just watched the couple I sit for and 4 of their friends shotgun beers like college kids. Please let this be us when we get older.
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
I just scrubbed chocolate off the bathtub... You better have had a damn good birthday
I just watched our fat male neighbor dibble a soccer ball across the lawn. It looked like Baywatch with diabetes
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
Right, try not to commit a felony that costs more than 4 dollars cause that's all I have in my bail jar.
He literally just patted me on the vagina and said goodnight to it.
My weirdest encounter with a stranger though was when for some reason they just gave me a box of unopened socks. Needless to say, I never used them.
I think the moment she woke up butt naked on a mattress with her phone still on her face was the point she knew last night was fucked up
Just saw Little Red Riding Hood riding a guy on hood of a car
Good for her for committing to the costume
There’s an entire generation of people out there who didn’t grow up watching Mr. Rogers and it shows. These Boomers need to get their shit together.
Randomize
