just chased whiskey with a pickle. i definitely recommend it
The parties out here are fucking awesome and I've got the grades to prove it.
Who would have thought google would have HELPED me fail a test...not pass...thank you pacman, thank you google....
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
Oh, and that ugly chick transformed into a veritable goddess when she came back at 3AM with a handle of vodka and 100 chicken wings
some guy i've known for a week sent me nudes saying "you're welcome" i need an award for this birthday
Mid way while flirting with this super hot chick at the bar, he gets up and says no thanks I'm only 19 and gay just waiting for my buddy to hurry up and get with your friend.
So I'm thinking about sending him some "sorry I almost peed on your computer" cookies. Thoughts?
All I know is I woke up with his business card in my bra and in my handwriting on the back it says 8 inch.
Cheers to being single today. There's an entire box of franzia with my name on it.
saying, "have a good fall!" After fucking a virgin boy is good etiquette, right?
One public bathroom does not equal a wedding vow
It's just really funny to hear them talk about March for Life when literally every single one of those girls has had an abortion
My mom just used the chap stick I used right after giving him a blow job. I am a horrible daughter :(
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