You know the guy who poops at a party and then leaves and you go in, do your business, and come out and there are girls outside that think you pooped and no one talks to you? I'm the guy who poops before you go in, because I'm in a relationship and I hate you.
I drowning out her crying with songs from the Beatles it's good for us both. She relives her 30s and i dont have to hear her cry
I actually had to roll up my long sleeves to masturbate. I hate the winter
Whenever I said your name you screamed polo and did another shot.
I'm watching the red sox through my neighbors window from my bathroom. We're winning btw.
Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
Did i actually sleep there? Or did i just get sand everywhere?
Coming to you live from the floor of my office..
I just need like a magic vacuum to suck everything out of me and then an IV to put good stuff back in
I just got breakfast in bed and he went down on me. And you though he was a bad idea. Shame
It's whatever. I just want to see his dick again
Okay. This morning the comforter was wet, you were underwearless and using a tiny blanket. What'd you do??
I got a 5/5 with my "I don't want a baby" rant essay. She said my use of the word "leeches" was a powerful metaphor :)
Pretty sure if we keep hanging out on Tuesdays there will be no whiskey left for the younger generations or the universe will implode....tomato tahmato
Got a $290 noise violation last night for shouting "THE KING OF THE NORTH" til 2 am
Randomize
