What? Cold floors are soothing when you have a hangover. How am I supposed to pass that up. Even if I'm at my parents house
She said her tits were too big, and he slapped her. He said that Jesus didn't appreciate bitches that fish for compliments
its not like she's the last girl on the planet with symmetrical breasts and great skin
Mystery solved: The table is broken because I had sex on it last night.
I'm sneaking you alcohol into a hospital. This either says love or "we have a problem"
Every time I stand up, gravity punches me in the tits. This is horrible.
I watched you fall asleep, sitting up, eating a cinnamon roll. You proceeded to wake up...smile at your cinnamon roll, ask it how it got into your hand and then began eating it again. You asked me if you were ridiculous last night, define ridiculous.
Life is so difficult sometimes. Can you imagine? Going through life, constantly creating boners everywhere you go.
I have my vibrator between my thighs and I'm listening to high school musical. That kind of high. We're all in this together.
I woke up the other day with my Google browser open to "DIY lip injections"... I also just received a vial of hyaluronic acid and a package of TB syringes from amazon. I'm down.
I will have no part of this.
On a scale from 1 to banned, how offensive do you think it would be to wish my vibrator happy Valentine's Day on various social media outlets?
for not the first time in my life, my clothes are covered in piss and i'm standing in line waiting to buy pedialyte at a convenience store
Just puked in a cup. Poured it out the window.
If one more person says Merry Christmas to me I’m going to take a pen out of my pocketbook and stab them in the eye
the orange of my hangover Tang is hurting my eyes... my coworkers knew it was hangover Tang too.
Randomize
