I just cut my nipple shaving
Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
i sneezed during and he said it felt like i gave birth to his dick...then asked me to do it again.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Eating hibachi. The chef is squirting sake into my mouth with a ketchup bottle. Happened twice, more to come.
She put baby oil on her toes and i am not legally allowed to talk about what happened
I just dont understand why you didnt cut me off when I took the funnel into the bathroom and started peeing and funneling at the same time
Im otw to class. I was at the Library. Just past three girls with a bottle of tequila playing dizzy bat.
How do I politely say my vagina is not a chew toy and if you bite me again I will slap you?
You could say take it easy, whoa there, be gentle, anything that doesn't fully convey the horror.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yea I've gotten enough hickeys in my life to know what I'd look like with a neck tattoo. I think I'm getting a neck tattoo.
We're not piercing ourselves today.
Smoked a blunt with my dad then introduced him to cinnabon delights. Today was a good day.
I think I gave the bachelor party directions to the breweries next to my dentist so that they could take me to my appointment and pick me up afterward...
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
Conversations really do change when your social worker had your dick in her mouth the other night.
Randomize