Did you write "I hope this gives you aids" on my box of capn crunch?
All i remember is people cheering me on to drink faster than the dog, out of the dog's bowl. I just couldn't stop.
Police were closing down the bar due to gunfight and I was crying because they wouldn't let me finish putting temporary shamrock tats on my boobs
I shouldn't have to thank you for taking off your captain hat off before we had sex
when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
I woke up to a 3rd person picture of my own dick sent from a 1-800 number..
She said you told her you were ready to be a dad. We just got back from our purchase of the morning after pill. That took me 2 hours of convincing. No more fucking my sister.
1. Thanks. 2. No.
I may or may not have hooked up with the cop who arrested me.. Or I can cross hooking up with a stripper in a cop outfit off my bucket list.
I was giving him a blowjob but we had to stop because he started crying when his cat walked in and started staring at us
Thanks for reminding me of all the hookups my brain has been trying to suppress...
That's what friends are foooooooor!
Bring me your tired, your weary, your buffalo chicken dip
I just opened my travel toothbrush holder and it smelled like vodka...maybe a vodka cranberry. This says a lot about my vacations.
If everyone felt the happiness from apple crown royal we would be in a better place
I don’t want to brag, but vows, morals and will power are no match for my blow job skills
the person she was housesitting for had a christmas card from charlie sheen on the fridge so we fucked on the couch and just slept in the bed
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