i met him on craigslist. and no i'm not a hooker.
I have no idea what her name is. I only remember putting my dick between her ass cheeks.
How come the only thing we can do right in our lives is drugs?
He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
You'll be happy to know that I did indeed fracture my rib in a sex related injury
When I start puking tomorrow, just let me be. it'll start around 8:35. just let me heave. i love this part of my morning.
You stole a fry from a complete stranger. He wasn't happy. Then you said fuck it and stole the whole poutine and ran down the street while he stared in shock.
Like sorry you chose to have an attractive girlfriend dude
in honor of breaking bad starting soon, i am now banging a walter white lookalike. viva heisenberg!
I feel like satan and death had a baby that took a shit that replaced my brain.
She had a glow in the dark pastie on her forehead the last time I saw her. That should help you find her.
I have so many plans for this weekend and sobriety is not invited.
I may have taken the entire adderall. I FEEL LIKE THE FUCKIN HULK. I can't stop cleaning and organizing and doing the clean things
It was hands down the most magical fuck I've ever had
It was the only fuck you've ever had..
Randomize
