she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
i just got arrested. apparently dont move means dont move.
I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
just got double teamed by two guys I will be on beach patrol with this summer. six months until the season starts and I'm already 'that girl.'
My dad is drinking wine out of a measuring cup. This explains so much.
When I come over I'm bringing "Socky" the Alcoholism Prevention puppet, today he is going to tell you boys about his FAVORITE word---its called "moderation"
You'd think if the campus holds 28,000 undergrad I wouldn't run into three people I've hooked up with in one day
The moment you realize you should grow up: you're snorting your fathers percocet script with your old health insurance card, while your parents are on a 10 day cruise in the carribean...
I hate it when fuck holes buy me drinks at the bar. You don't know my order. You don't know me. You don't know where I've been. You don't know my life.
I'm a sociology major remember
Well that and comm
Basically you majored in how to get laid
I wore a bird inflatable and still got laid. So there's that.
There's a fly in my room repeatedly throwing itself at my window, and I feel it's really symbolic of what I want to do with my future
You kept yelling stranger danger at Nick because he was talking to that girl you didn't like. Your not invited ever again.
I just walked in on Joel doing a buck naked tripod headstand in front of the mirror so he could see the bug bite on his balls
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