If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
Nothing ended up happening last night because he couldn't get my overalls or fanny pack off. I woke up this morning with one strap over my overall shorts on, my fanny pack wrapped around my chest, and the baby doll still tied to my hand. Ugh white trash parties!
If your still trying to figure out the moment I stopped caring; it was the point in which you said "I really wasn't sure whose baby it was"
I walked into the bathroom and the toilet was on fire... I stood there for like a minute trying to decide whether I should put it out or get my camera.
Just flooded the bathroom while masturbating in the shower. Managed to squeege most of it up. Desperately need to get laid.
Update: still drunk enough to get lost in Zellers and to think my reflection was my mother. Awesome day.
It's taking 3 penises to fill the hole he left in my heart.
You ever fart so hard while you are asleep that you wake up screaming?
so "excuse the stench" wasn't the correct thing to say when your boyfriend's parents walk in on you shitting. Live and learn
I'm on tinder and every time somebody says something too creepy for me I start quoting scripture at them. My boobs are like missionaries.
The body is still out there. I don't think my trainer realized when he asked me not to drink for 24 days, how often I see dead people
On a scale from 1-10 how fucked up would it be to buy weed with my fafsa money?
It's a study aid
I miss you.
Yeah, I don't want to have sex.
So our night ended with 6 cruisers, a fire truck, and an ambulance. Also, lots of blood. How was yours?
Came up to an intersection and someone was blasting My Chemical Romance at like 9 AM. They're DEFINITELY having a good day
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