Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
Me too. I'd like to spend all next summer high and drunk and riding ponies and boys.
how drunk was i? i pretended i was getting a blowjob from a fuckin dolphin in front of my dad. thats how drunk i was.
i walked into the party and i guess everyone knew because they began to chant "ass to mouth"
my mom noticed the "toothpaste" stain on my tshirt...she repeatedly attempted to get it off by licking her thumb and rubbing it. See Jenn it obviously doesnt taste that bad...
I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.
i actually pissed myself from laughing when I saw the old man in lingerie carrying a spiderman purse. I dont know if he was real or if it was the tequila, but my head hurts.
They invented the twister shot game. You put a shot on each circle, take it when you land on it, and if you fall, they funnel the mat and make you drink it. New best friends.
I just did a drunk experiment to find out what it looks like when you turn a burner on the stove on while wearing night-vision goggles. I may be blind in my right eye now.
If the Cards come back I will fly to St Louis and shit in a very public place.
Every bathroom has like throw up and like bagels in it. Richie didn't even have bagels.
I was originally going to go as fembot from Austin Powers
I wanted to have tiny guns for tits
She leaned in close to me, made eye contact, and seriously whispered "I will eat your soul with bacon bits." I want whatever drug she was on.
Fun fact: nipples work on touch screens. Tell your friends :)
Do not let Mike show you his naughty Santa Claus outfit. It's a super long beard and crotchless pants.
Randomize
