I think that i just found proof that harry and ginny had sex
you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
so just incase you wake up on the couch wondering how you got there--you came home at 7am, put ice in a cup--then you proceeded to put the cup in the microwave and melt it because you "wanted water". you then, fell down the stairs while saying "you don't know me" then crawled to the couch.
sorry i walked in and ruined it, but i had to laugh she looked like a pile of bologna the way you had her pinned up on the wall
Good thing you left when you did - ended up getting banned from jimmy johns.
She keeps stunt undies in her bag, 2 sizes too small. She leaves them behind so the guy thinks he was luckier than he was...
How do you get a 7 on a pregnancy test?
Well, that's a 3 inch weight lifted off of my vagina
It's just my hair. It brings natural happiness. Like goldfish, big boobs, and milkshakes.
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
A homeless man just asked me if I had seen any "nekkid chicks with heineken bottles run by"
Berkeley was the right choice
Some nights you just end up digging your mcdouble out of the trash and eating it. it happens.
I was having a serious heart-to-heart, and then the weed gummy kicked in.
Lmao a dude who just got out of prison said im worth 10 cigarettes in prison...I think that's a compliment
"hahahaha" is not a sufficient reply when I tell you my mother laughed at a joke about me giving blowjobs.
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