ohhhh fuckk. chicks a dude.
The best feeling....farting and having the bubble hit your balls
no one will drink with you if you continue to listen to beyonce
THEY HAVE A VOMIT TROUGH.
What?
A TROUGH FOR VOMIT.
i'm surprised you didn't wake up. like i literally came when he was fingering me as i was spooning with you and all you did was mumble "that's a good idea, mom" and pull the sheets away from me.
he told me he was watching a movie and he'd be over later and i asked how long. he said 8 inches give or take. you cease to amaze me with the guys you set me up with.
Idk man I'm just a giant talking marshmallow ready to be toasted and dipped in chocolate
When I get home we should play "let's see how many Christmas movies we can watch before we start having sex."
Are we really going to sext in Pokemon battle fashion?
Her dog trainer Fuck buddy is over here again. She sounds like a squeaky toy and he talks to her like he talks to the dog. I CAN HEAR EVERYTHING!!!
Just had a flashback to Friday. Definitely had my hands in someone's bra. Definitely wasn't mine.
I picked up the bartender so he could open the bar early and ended up with him giving me a ride home when he closed. I like snowdays and everything, but they get really expensive. Also, I think I threw up on his front door. Not checking.
what are you going as for halloween?
drunk, naked, & emotionally unstable
The housekeeper found my huge dildo under the bathroom sink, and another in the living room. I can't get much more single than this.
Yea she is hot. But she also had no toothpaste in her entire apartment.
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