it was like playing where's waldo with your underwear
Just found out what was wrong with Esther. Turns out she's 33 and still not married. This explains everything.
So are you the girl that gave me herpes? or was that the girl from the night before
Woke up to sesame street reruns and a $62 pizza bill. Never again. I mean it this time.
All three women i have fucked in the past week are here in the same bar. Gameface, go.
Gonna go for any of them?
Thursday night girl, but friday is watching and tuesday is serving us.
It's like....nice talking about real estate but your son gave me herpes
Cookies. Watch out fir falling satellites.
I want to break his glasses with my pelvis.
have you ever seen all dogs go to heaven this is important
We just got home a lil bit ago. No sorority girls showed except the ugly swimmer chick and she asked if I've ever faked an orgasm.
I need something for rope burns and an inner ear infection. Separate incidents, FYI..
Okay. So did I kiss you last night? I know that I made out with someone. Or a few someones. But I'm pretty sure that I made out with you. Was that real life?
You took acid last night and I’m up early to go to the grand opening of a new TJMaxx by my house. We couldn’t be more perfect.
i have a strong feeling that today will be a naked day for me...i don't feel like doing shit
FIVE TIMES AND I HAVENT GOTTEN OFF ONCE
literally yelled NOOOO right before he finished .. yelled “five times and I still haven’t gotten off” when he was still inside me ..
Said “don’t worry I’ll get myself off tomorrow” to top it all off
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