it was so cute when you were pretending to have willpower
We just made watching Intervention into a drinking game. We drink everytime someone does drungs.
I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.
I'm ashamed of you 12 hours later and 200 miles away
She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.
She wasn't to happy when she went to put her shirt on and it was covered in cum I just looked at her and said collateral damage....
You showed up at my apartment after 3 am wasted with a plate of cookies and tried to hook up.
Sorry about that. Except for the cookies.
Either call me back or tell me you're in jail. For fucks sake. If this is a cop, just help out. national league.
That just sounds like a recipe for sex in my backyard. Yes.
Sorry for locking you out after accusing you of eating my Skittles... I realized I was mistaken after just throwing up the rainbow.
I mean it's not my fault he had a floor mat that read "put out or get out". What was I supposed to do?
This is like the best thing that's ever happened to us. We're getting paid to sit around get high and eat. There is a Jesus
I was so gone I thought the cops banging on my door were kids from the party trying to get into my room... needless to say, I started moaning louder so they would take the hint.
I just looked down and realized I was walking around in briefs and a ninja turtle shirt; and for a second, I thought I was 8 again... Weird...
tell him if he brings over dinner you might let him see your left boob...or right, whichever you prefer. But under no circumstances do you let him see both...unless he brings a good desert...like coffee ice cream or something
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